Strengthening the Bond
What goes through our minds when we hear a couple is in marriage counseling? Do we wonder if the couple’s relationship is about to end? Is going to marriage counseling a last-ditch effort? Not necessarily.
Often in our community sharing personal matters with our social circle is taboo. Sometimes this supposed social “norm” drive our expectations of how a couple should be. Do we expect perfection out of our significant other? Do we blame ourselves for falling short of our own expectations? Even if we are all from the same community, we each have our own unique experiences that have shaped us into the adults we are today. Therefore, it makes sense that when we are in a serious, committed relationship, there will inevitably be some conflict. The focus is not on whether or not conflict arises, but about the impact of the conflict, and how it is handled.
What does going to marriage counseling mean?
Regardless of where you land on the conflict spectrum, marriage counseling can be like going to the gym. Whether or not you want to go to the gym, going will be beneficial in many ways. Going to marriage counseling does not indicate the relationship is in trouble, or about to end. Even the healthiest couples may use marriage counseling as a “tune-up” to their relationship skills. It can be a place to process our experiences and expectations. It is a safe space to learn about needs, boundaries, and effective communication, which can increase the bond between the couple.
If you have kids, how will this impact them?
Children and teens often pick up on how couples behave, just as we did when we were younger. Going to marriage counseling can set an example for the younger generation about what healthy habits in relationships look like. Kids and teens will appreciate that it is human to sometimes disagree, and there are emotionally safe ways to communicate.
When we normalize our frustrations and handle them in healthy ways, we also redefine the expectations that the next generation has about romantic relationships. This allows kids to understand it is okay for their feelings to be validated in a romantic relationship. This may counter unhealthy coping skills, such as minimizing one’s needs to satisfy a partner. That being said, the work we put into our relationship will show naturally. A marriage counselor can help facilitate this.
If you are ready to find a marriage counselor, where do you start?
A great first step is to request a 15-minute call with a potential counselor, so they can answer any questions you may have before deciding to proceed with them. It is not a bad idea to have a list of questions prepared.
Marriage and Family Therapy requires a master’s degree, clinical hours, and a special license. When looking for the right marriage counselor, find one that has completed an accredited program. The Commission on Accreditation for Marriage and Family Therapy Education (COAMFTE) is the national accreditation standard. You can ask your future counselor if they went to a COAMFTE accredited school. Click here for a list of accredited schools. Additionally, you may search for a licensed therapist by location or services offered on PsychologyToday.com.
If looking specifically therapists and counselors who specialize in working with South-Asians, please visit SouthAsianTherapists.org. Finally, there are coaches who focus on relationships as a supplement to counseling and therapy. You can contact Ipninder Singh about coaching for South Asian relationships at his website, coachistan.com.
About the Author:
Ipninder Singh is a seasoned clinical researcher, and boasts over a decade of experience in healthcare with a focused passion for mental health. Set to commence graduate studies at GWU in the Fall, he aims to become a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor.
In addition to his academic pursuits, Ipninder co-founded Coachistan, a life coaching platform catered specifically to the South Asian community. His career path is deeply ingrained in the mission to improve mental health care by destigmatizing and decolonizing therapy while advocating for culturally sensitive therapeutic approaches within the diaspora.